There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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