she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
