Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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