walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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