I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
