I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
