this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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