There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
