no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
