i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
