Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
