All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
