gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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