9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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