either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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