you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
