3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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