Screwed.edu
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
