YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just pynch a tree in the face
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
