I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
