Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
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