Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
