Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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