I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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