foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
