Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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