On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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