All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
