Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
