I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
