I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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