tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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