I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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