that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
