dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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