I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
