Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Randomize
