Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
