You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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