I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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