Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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