We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Randomize