I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize