Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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