Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
