Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
