Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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