OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
