Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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