I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
