I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
