too bad you live with your parents still
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
