i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
you inspire me to be a worse person
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize