Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
