just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
