we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Randomize
