She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
