I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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