this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
