I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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