oh god the rape fog is back!
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
