and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
