Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
