I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
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