I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize