When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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