JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
