she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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