I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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