People in love make me want to vomit
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
dude. I can hear the air.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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